Audio Transcript
Welcome everyone. Some of you might be expecting someone in orange clothes or, you know, with a long flowing beard. When they come here to my talks, some people get a little unsettled.
They see this guy, you know, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. He doesn’t have any of the hallmarks of the sages and the saints that we all are used to.
And it’s good to be unsettled. It’s good to question. It’s good to be in a space where your conditionings are challenged. So, you think X and you’re given Y. So whatever conditioning that you have come with is no longer applicable.
Why You Are Here
Today is a long weekend. There is F1 going on, lots of other events in the city, but you all are here and there’s a reason you are here.
You could be at the F1, you could be at any of these events. You are here because the usual way of living, with your career, maybe with your relationship, with your desires and fears, is no longer something which you think is enough.
There’s more to life. You feel there’s a calling, and by being here you’re acknowledging that calling.
But as you wake up on this path, there will be a lot of challenges because people around you are sleeping. They’re still sleepwalking. The entire society is sleepwalking.
So, when you wake up and you start becoming aware of this identity, aware of your desires, your fears, the whole complex of ego, then you’re going against the flow of the entire society.
And then the society will start questioning you. You’ll have people—your friends, your relatives, your neighbours—who will want you to come back. They’ll say, “What’s wrong with you?” They’ll say, “Why are you going on a path which is for the crazies?”
The reason is the entire structure of society is built on identity, and the moment you start questioning that, people become uncomfortable.
And that’s why it’s an important question to ask.
The Solomon Asch Experiment
There was a study done in 1950 by a guy called Solomon Asch. It’s a very interesting study.
What he did was create two cards. One card had a line, and the other card had three lines—A, B, and C—and one of the options matched with the first line, and it was pretty obvious.
The first line was this big and the three options were like this, this, and this. So, it was pretty obvious which was the correct answer.
He put all these people in a room and gave them the cards. But, unknown to the participants, there was just one real participant and the rest of the people were actors. What he did was ask them to choose the correct answer, but the actors all gave the wrong answer.
So, when they were sitting in a group, they said, “What’s the right answer?” If the right answer is A, everyone says C.
When they did this trial with different settings, surprisingly 33% of the people gave the wrong answer when the group gave the wrong answer.
The people knew it was the wrong answer. They could see it. They could see the lines. They could see which one was correct. But they went against their perception to conform with the group.
Later they were asked why they did it. They said they didn’t want to upset the group. They wanted to fit in with the group. They didn’t want to feel like an outsider. They didn’t want any conflict.
Now the reason this study is so important, and why I’m bringing it up, is that the moment you start doing things which the group or society does not do, you will face a lot of resistance.
In that study, there were 25% of people who gave the right answer no matter what the other people said. They stuck to what they saw. They stuck to what was right and said, “This is the correct answer,” no matter what anyone else said.
I think spiritual seekers who walk the path are those 25% people. They are not conformists. They are trying to see the truth, and even if someone else comes up and says, “No, this is not correct,” they have the courage to stand up and say, “No, this is right.”
How Identity Is Formed
Now how does identity play into all these things?
Let’s first start with how identity builds up. When you’re born, of course you have no name. You don’t even know yourself. Then your parents pick you up and give you a name, and that name becomes your identity. For many years they keep calling you with that name—say David—and you hear “David, David, David.”
One day you’ll respond to that name, and that’s the day that name becomes yours. “David is my name.”
Then you go to school. What does school do? Our education system does not, in the true sense, impart knowledge. It generally is a mechanism to rank you, to sort you. So, it creates a ranking hierarchy.
This is a better student. This is not a good student. She’s clever. She’s good at maths. He’s difficult. And that identity is reinforced throughout school and college.
When you become a teenager again you have this fear of not belonging, so you want to do things to fit in. That again creates another layer of identity.
Then finally you start working. You’re in a corporate job or your own business. And eventually that job becomes your identity.
You have seen when you meet new people—they’ll ask your name, and the second question is, “What do you do?” You identify yourself with that position. “I am so-and-so. I work as so-and-so.”
So, over the years we have built different layers of identity on top of another.
But the question is:
Which of these identities is mine?
My face was not mine. I was born with this face. It’s all genetics from my parents—from my mom and dad.
Of course, my name is not mine.
So, what is mine in all of this?
A Simple Exercise
Let’s do a small exercise.
If you just close your eyes and say your name mentally—say it maybe three times. Whenever you say your name, an image will pop up in your head. A face. A thought.
And you would say, “This is me.” But is it really me?
Or is it an identity which has been manufactured by culture, by society, by those around me? This is a very important question to ask. Because if what I think myself to be is something that has been manufactured—something which is not mine—then who am I?
What if my parents gave me a different name instead of whatever your name is? Imagine they thought of a different name at that time. That would become your name.
We would be happy with that name, and we invest so much in that name that we are ready to defend it. We get angry if someone says anything against that identity or the name.
What if it’s just constructed? What if all of you are wearing a label and the label says: “This is not my original face.”
This is a very powerful Zen teaching. What is your original face? It’s a koan they use.
If my face is a result of genetics and my identity is the result of what my parents and society created, what is my original face? This question has been asked by mystics and seekers across the ages.
The Knower Behind Identity
I want to come to a very simple and subtle differentiation. I know my identity.
The moment I say I know my identity; there has to be a knower who knows this. It’s a very subtle point. I know my thoughts. Hence, I am not my thoughts. I know them. They arise in me.
So, there is a knower. There is something which knows the thoughts. There is something which knows an identity. So, identity forms on top of this knowingness.
“I know I am.”
And on top of that forms an identity. Later on we can trade that identity. We can become a spiritual person. We can become a material person. We can become a billionaire. We can have different identities and we do evolve. As we evolve, we change our identities.
But that’s just an upgrade.
What I’m pointing to here is something which knows all these identities.
You were young. You know that you were young at one time. Then you were in college. Then you started working. Maybe at one time you were material-oriented and now you’re very spiritual.
Who knows all these identities?
There is someone in you which knows all these identities in and out. I’m using the word someone or something because it’s very abstract. That someone—or that something—can see through and say: “I am this in this moment. I am spiritual. I am angry. I want money.”
Is there a distinction between the person who wants and the thought of wanting? If you pay attention, there is a gap. That knowingness is called by many different names by teachers.
Some call it consciousness.
Some call it awareness.
Some call it God.
Some call it the witness.
Some call it the Buddha mind.
Freedom Through Awareness
Once you start being in that knowingness—in that beingness—you can see these identities arising and you can create a distance. You need not identify with them.
For example, I’m going in traffic and someone honks or cuts me off. Immediately there is anger. There is resentment. Then I remember this resentment is part of this identity. I can either identify with it or watch it. I can see it as something arising in me rather than as me. It’s a very fine distinction. It’s a very subtle distinction.
But if you can do that, that’s where freedom lies.
Because then you are free at that moment to either engage, identify, or let it go. Till then you are not free. You’re absolutely not free because you will run with the mind.
Someone cuts you off, you get angry, and then you react in a pattern. That pattern might be anger, irritation, violence—it doesn’t matter. There’s no choice.
But what if I can see the whole process?
This identity forming. My need to defend it. My need to justify it. I see it coming up. At that moment I can either choose to identify and say, “This is what I am,” or I can drop it.
Now I have a choice.
And this is the choice where freedom lives. This is where you can slowly deconstruct identity.
You are not creating a new identity. You’re not upgrading your identity.
That will not free you.
The Deconstruction Process
When we try to understand this “me” and the prison, we also have to understand how the dysfunctional society creates this prison.
You are a part of a system. You cannot take yourself out of it. One thing seekers do is try to find the light. You are trying to walk the path. You are trying to get enlightened, awakened, become better, become evolved, become spiritual. Of course you are doing it for yourself.
But any step you take towards light also affects humanity.
Humanity becomes better every time one of you takes a step toward understanding your mind, your desires, yourself. In that way, your endeavour of walking the path is not solitary.
Even though you might not realize it, it affects humanity as a whole.
Carrying the Cross
This path comes with carrying your cross. When you start questioning identity, society will push back. People will push back. Your friends will question you because you’re falling out of the system.
This will also create a lot of loneliness. It will create a lot of conflict in you because there are two loops running.
One loop says:
“I understand wealth and fame and desires are not the path to truth and contentment.”
So, you’re falling away from it.
But another loop is still playing. It still wants approval. It still wants love. It still wants financial security. It still wants meaningful connection. It still gets hurt when people do things you don’t approve of.
So, you have two loops running.
This is what carrying the cross means. Many people think once you come on the path everything will be beautiful and you will be lost in bliss and nirvana.
Yes, with time.
But the initial transformation requires a lot of hard work and heartbreak, which no one talks about.
The Caterpillar and the Butterfly
It’s like the caterpillar becoming a butterfly. A caterpillar becomes a butterfly by going into the pupal stage. It does not simply transform.
Everything is broken down. Each and every cell of the caterpillar breaks down. It becomes like a goo-like liquid. After the complete breakdown of that structure, from the liquid gel a butterfly is slowly born.
So, it is a complete deconstruction.
The caterpillar is completely broken down. And that’s not an easy thing. Of course what comes out of it is very beautiful—a butterfly.
You will have to go through that deconstruction process, and the ego will resist.
Internal and External Resistance
There are two forces here. One is the external force of society.
But what about the internal forces? What about my wants and desires? What about this identity—my ego? If nothing matters, what will happen if this ego dies?
What will I be?
I had a question that bothered me a lot: “If I get enlightened and the ‘I’ disappears, what’s the point?” I’m not going to be there to enjoy it. If I disappear, there is no one who will benefit from that enlightenment.
This used to bother me a lot. But this was another strategy of the ego. These are the internal forces you encounter as you try to deconstruct identity.
“What will I become if I have no place to stand?”
The Price of Infinity
You will go through darkness. You will go through deconstruction. But what comes out on the other side is incredible.
You will know what true freedom is for the first time. Not the freedom of doing whatever you want.
We all live in a developed world, in a democracy, where we can buy whatever we want and do whatever we want.
But that’s not freedom. Those are just patterns, conditioning running in our heads—insecurities, desires, the need for approval. What if all of that can end?
What if I can truly be without any particular identity? The price of infinity is the sacrifice of your personality. If you want the infinite, you have to let go of the individual.
Are you ready to make that trade? Losing your individuality is a big thing. If I lose my individuality, what about my desires? What about my visions, dreams, love, and relationships?
All these things are tied to my identity.
Your identity might be different. You might want enlightenment. Or you might want a million dollars.
But the same mechanism is working internally.
What happens if that drops off? Am I ready to give it up? These are the questions you have to ask yourself on the path.
Discovering Your True Nature
If you choose to take the next step, what you will find is your true nature.
It is vast.
It is infinite.
It transcends personality.
It transcends identity.
I won’t use the word eternal because eternal implies time.
It is beyond time itself.
And that’s what I encountered when I let go of this identity.